My Weekend.

I just had a pretty boozy weekend, It all started on Friday night when I had a bit of party to celebrate my birthday. So I told everyone to rock up to my favourite restaurant in South Korea, which thank Kurt Cobain is not Korean at all but is in fact a Vietnamese place called PHO. It's just around the corner from my flat, has a great beer called Saigon, Jangles this is highly recommended should you ever stumble across it in your travels buy two. The food is not Korean, not even cooked by Koreans, the only shit thing is that they cant speak English but I'm over that and am now fucking good at charades.

I manage to go there once a week or so and get their Vietnamese sandwich which is a bloody big baguette filled to the brim with a kind of pork stir fry with fresh coriander on top. The only problem is that they don't keep much of the bread in stock so most of the time when I roll up I'm just given an ashtray and a class of wheat water while I wait for the dude to race off on his push bike down to to the bakery to get my bread. That fulla sees me coming and with his best smile always makes me by two of them, I'm not complaining about this at all because I'm in a country where rotten spicy cabbage is the nations staple and they are simply superb.

Shit, I've got 10 minutes to my next class and I want a smoke so I'll be back in a few hours.

It's my Birthday.

Today is my birthday and I have just turned 28 but in Korea I have turned 29 because the crazies over here add an extra 9 months to your age because they count from conception not birth and they add an extra 3 months to make it easy to count!

So far I got a cake at the coffee shop from the Rotorua and Keri Keri chicks, a chicken and cheese toastie from the fulla from Christchurch and a cool black hoodie from my Korean colleagues, and another cake from my students and also some socks. Score for me! Tonight when I'm playing poker I will be bloody pissed off if I don't get a couple of beers out of EVERY player so be warned, and you all know I play a little weird when I mix Soju and beer so I'm gonna bluff my way to victory with extremely bad cards.

I've lost my cell phone and my Foreign Residents Alien Registration Card. Doh. I cant get a phone till I get a new card and that means a trip to Busan during working hours which I just don't want to do cause then I'll have to get up early and catch buses and the Subway.

Rugby? What Rugby, I have no idea what your talking about.

Now I remember, The mighty HAWKES BAY MAGPIES made the Semi Final! Those Dorklanders are still a bunch of ㅃ쫗ㅎㄴ오ㅗ.

Whats the difference between the All Blacks and Viagra?

At least with Viagra you can crack a Semi.

I just read about those mad people in the Urewera's. Bloody Hell, that's not on, Lock em up.

I'm off to Daegu this weekend with my mate from Sth Africa to watch this final that I've been told about but I have no idea what sport it is, probably Tae Kwon Do, you know considering we are in the home of it, not sure really. But then why would a Sth African owned bar be watching that? More weird Korean craziness.

Most of my mates from when I first got here have left and a whole new bunch have turned up, that makes me happy and sad.

Bummer about the Cat and Fiddle, I liked that place.

Yeah Baby.

I turn up to work today after a late night out watching a movie (Stardust, good for an evenings entertainment and Michelle Phiefer is still hot) to find that my schedule has been changed, 3 Classes today, YEAH BABY.

So I start at 2.45 and finish by 6.30 which means I can get drunk before the poker game tonight and not during it.

Last night I ate pigs lungs. They were very good.

World cup is all good, Sux to be French at the best of times but what were they thinking?

A Nigerian bloke told me a joke.

A man walks into a shop and asks for the time, the lady behind the counter looks at the clock and says

"It is 2 O'clock"

He walks down the road to have a coffee and returns to the same shop and again asks for what the time is, The lady is on her lunch break and the young man behind the counter looks down at his watch and answers

"It is 3 O'watch"

Summer Holiday Part Three.

O.K, it's been a while since I've written and my holiday isn't fresh in my mind any more but I'll make it up. I'm sitting here eating a Ham and Cheese toasted sandwich which is delicious, it's from a shop called Issac and it is a big chain through out Korea but to own a franchise you have to be a christian! They love me and give me extra ham.

I do remember an incident with the police, we had been out all night and our hotel was next to the train station so we got a taxi there, it is impossible to not understand the letters K.T.X in Korea as it is their super fast train and everyone is proud of it so for the Taxi man to balls it up reeks of tacking advantage of the foreigners. Admittedly we had been on a brew called Ultra Super Dead but that's not the point. This bloody driver took us half an hour in the wrong direction before demanding that we pay him and get out in the whop wops. So we did what any one would do, told him to get fucked and take us to the train station. He got a little angry at that and threatened to call the police but we jumped the gun on him and we called them! That really pissed him off. So the coppers turn up, he shouts at them, we attempt to tell our side of the story in Korean. The cops say something to him and in sign language tell us to get in the cop car and that we did not have to pay the taxi man and that they would drive us to our hotel which was next to the Train station.

Foreigners 1 Racist M!##$%^^&*()_ Taxi drivers 0

Last night I went and played poker and I won, yay for me, and came second in the second game.

A new bar has opened in town called the Wa Bar. So I have been hanging out there a little.

I went to a pretty cool fancy dress party as a cowboy.

Been offered a pretty sweet new contract with more cash, more holidays and a bigger apartment but dunno bout it.

Got another work seminar on Saturday in Daegu.

Was stoked that I remembered fathers day.

New work schedule this month which is a piece of cake.

Lots of my mates are leaving and a new group is arriving. That is good and bad.

Kiwis are starting to overrun this town. 8 of us out of over half a million people.

Just finished my toastie so I'm off.

Dave's Summer Holiday Part Two.

So we all got to the Train Station at Gupo with some serious hangovers, it really is the best way to travel with our original; plan being to catch the train up the east Coast and hit the Demilitarised Zone which if your an idiot is the strip of land with heaps of mines on it between the North and South. (In one of those James Bond films, the one with the dude who changes his entire body from North Korean to Posh Englishmen and has some sort of ray gun satellite that harnesses the Suns energy and focuses it on this piece of land and blows up all the mines so that the North can attack!)



However that train was not going for another couple of hours so we convinced the dude in charge to let us behind the ticket counter and look at all his maps and shit and just decided to take the next train out of the station. That was a brilliant move on our behalf as it make the entire trip trip random and we always just went to the next place on the next available transport.



We ended up in Suncheong which due to our liquid diet I don't really remember much about it, and then we ended up in Yeosul which was amazing. Our first stop was this bar that had a Tenor there who sang lots of stuff I knew but could not name for you and he spoke a little English and was a top bloke. We were sitting on the balcony overlooking a dead person! We rambled around a little and watch a game of Soccer somewhere, Korea vs Japan in the 3rd/4th playoff for the Asia Cup which Korea won on penalties so was all good before hitting a golden bar. We walked in, after deciphering the menu and realising only beer was available we asked for whisky anyway and got directed upstairs to a bar we had not even seen and we treated like Kings! That place was so out of the way I don't think to many white people have been there before.



I think that we were lucky that we had all been in Korea for around 7 months now and could hold a very basic conversation in Korean which is a tremendous help in getting free drinks. Most Koreans have a smattering of extremely basic high school English so with our Korean and there English and the odd dictionary we managed to keep a conversation going for an entire bottle of scotch with the bar staff and the pissed guys next to us.



After that we hit the beach, it was there that I discovered rice wine, which in phonetic English is called Dong Dong Ju, we were on that beach for around 6 hours, I might of had a skinny dip and I might of bought over $60 of fire works and I may off quite deeply cut my left foot on a boats propeller but.....



From there we decided to go to Sado Island because on the big sign outside the train station there was a picture of a dinosaur on it and I was intrigued. Bearing in mind that the sun is now up, we had been drinking for a nearly a day and a half we managed to find the ferry terminal, hopped on, and went.....to the wrong island. Not to Worry.



That ferry was pretty cool, it was choc a block with people, produce and bloody squid, man I hate that stuff, it's everywhere, dried squid smells crap any way but when it is hot it is disgusting. So we got off on what we thought was the right island, as we disembarked I got a whisper in my ear daring me to jump off, so I did. When I finally managed to haul myself out of the water who was standing there? two coppers! I just started laughing, luckily my mates talked to them for me and we wandered off to explore this next place.



Our taxi driver misunderstood us, we asked to go to the beach, over here the Konglish word for the beach is beachy. The driver took us to a locals house who was called Mr Beachy! Anyway we finally got there and spent the day drinking in the sun, swimming and generally doing nothing. That place was a little backward, not much of anything there but it was cool to see a very different side of Korea.

I'll put the rest up later.

Dave's Summer Holiday.

Holidays are all good, I had a week off starting on the 25th July and back at work last Wednesday 1st August. I had to hang around Gimhae for a few days waiting for my mates to finish their work, every one's holidays were different to each other but a few overlapped. So I had a few nights out on the town.

On Friday my racing buddy had his brother over so we went to the races, I was quite excited about it because I usually work on Fridays and as such never get there during the week. So we went to catch the bus there and it didn't show. That should have been our first warning but we just put it down to our lack of Korean language skills. So we took a cab there, once at the track we were wondering why it was so empty. People still at work I thought and not at the races? Well, wrong again, it turned out that the races had been called off due to the heat! It was bloody hot but who cares? I was on Holiday! So we hung around trying to get another cab home. We got a dude to ring us a cab but he called one from Busan not from Gimhae so it was really expensive and we refused it and managed to catch a lift to the highway where we figured we could flag a taxi or at least a bus. Next thing I know my Pommie mate had stuck out his thumb and a few cars later we were off to Jangyu which is next to Gimhae, better than nothing we thought.

When we got back to Gimhae we went to Home plus where we discovered to our delight that rubber dinghy's were on sale, $20 down from $60. I'll have one of those I thought, but something was missing so we got a fishing rod and some bottles of Red wine as well and wandered down to the river in the middle of Gimhae.

What a sight we made! 3 pissed white fullas in a one man rubber dinghy with a 10ft rod, slurping red wine. I have never had so many toots and cat calls come my way in all my life. We tried to buy some fish as bait but once the lady realised we were going to use it as bait and not eat it she refused to sell it to us. (It was my brilliant charades act that got this point across). Tart. So we bought a can of spam and used that only it was pretty crap and kept falling of the hook so we caught some grass hoppers but they were no good as well. So for a few hours we floated down the way, as twilight struck the dry shore based fishermen came out and they were not to happy when we floated by.

Korea is a cool place, the taxi driver did not even flinch we hopped in dripping wet, half cut and with a semi deflated rubber dinghy.Not even when we payed with wet money did he blink his eyes! Sometimes I really wish I knew what is going through their minds when they see the antics foreigners get up to!

So we then went to the pub and the Norebang and met up with some mates who had completed their contract and were on their way outta here to greener pastures.

Around 5 or 6am we decided to crack out the boat again and sail the vast waters of Yungee Park. This time I was too far gone to set up the rod so we left it behind. On this adventure whilst I was tipping my mates out we broke an oar. Don't worry this is Korea anything goes! So we marched back into Homeplus, still dripping wet, by this time we were all absolutely F!@#$%^ed and managed to convince them that the boat only came with one oar and we needed another to make the pair as we were rowing around in circles. And you know what? It worked! Our language skills are coming along very nicely thank you very much.

I get home sometime after sunup only to be awaken by a few phone calls around 12 reminding me that I had to met a different set off mates to do a wee bit of travelling around Korea. I hate forgetting things like that! So off to met the boys for the start of the travels... Numerous trains a couple of ferries, a floating Christian bookshop, two run ins with the coppers and a swollen foot coming up....

Two weekends ago in Seoul.

I had a good time in Seoul, We left very early and travelled for around 7 hours straight to find this theme park that we wanted to check out. It was called Everland and was pretty cool, it was a theme park and a Zoo! I saw 3 white Tigers, numerous monkeys (those always make me laugh) some camels, two polar bears who were in a tiny enclosure, got a bus ride through a paddock where there was 20 or so lions, heaps of animals. The theme park side of it was awesome, we went on loads of rides and I got some funny photos of me which were taken automatically by a machine on the Roller Coasters.

Then we went to the Casino! It was at the Hilton Hotel and I had to prove that I was a bloody foreigner! cause Koreans can't gamble in Casinos. It was really expensive so I didn't play on the tables and I dropped a fair chunk of change in the pokies before going out in search of Guinness, which I found along with some Jameson's, I ruled the pool table that night!

On Sunday I went to the races where I fell asleep for three of them and then to top it all off we stumbled past a 100% No bullshit Real Deal French Restaurant. FFFFOOOOOOOOODDDDDD!
I had for starters a Salmon Salad thingy with balsamic vinegar, I know this sounds stupid but I really miss food from back home so when I saw the word balsamic I had to go change my undies. Followed by the Scallops in a garlic sauce and washed down with my old mate Johnnie Red. And a chocolate thingy for desert. I paid a small fortune for it but I didn't care one bit!

Caught the last train home and that was that.

Korea is a cool place.

Been Locked Out...Been Locked In.

So the Major Typhoon that was meant to hit us turned out to be a wee bit of a storm, I had a feeling it was only bollocks and it was! A bit of wind, a bit of rain and still bloody hot! I can't understand why this is called the Typhoon season, it's only a bit of rain and the Monsoon season was also only a bit of rain, no flooding, no nothing, I couldn't even play in the gutters in my gummies cause there was not enough water!

BUT IT IS STILL BLOODY HUMID and summer hasn't kicked in yet!

So last Friday night I got invited to my mates bosses house for a meal, We had an awesome feed and numerous bottles of Soju followed by a bottle of Ballentines, good knows what I was doing but after I left their house and met some mates on the street I had some apologising on Sunday and Monday to do. Enough Said.

After that incident I ended up in Shinaye market, my mate reminded me off a story about a dude who had a paperclip and traded it up to a house in a year so we came up with a plan to do similar. I was eating some Mangdu (Kinda like a dumpling with veges inside) and we decided to start with that. We ended up with two shopping bags full of veges! It must of been our amazing Korean language skills! We even managed to catch a lift on the back of a rubbish truck for a while and had a few drinks with some Ajumas on the side of the road, apparently I also had a spider with me but I don't recall that.

Some where along the line I lost my bag with my keys in it. So I spent all weekend outta my apartment. I was pretty impressed with my Korean skills though, after talking to a mate who can speak a fair bit and with the aid of my dictionary I manged to find a locksmiths number, call them up, explain the situation and that I needed a guy to come and change my locks for me only to be told that it was the weekend and wait till Monday.

So on Monday I met the locksmith, got into my flat only to find that I did not have enough cash in my pocket and as my wallet was also in my bag I was in a spot of bother but again I managed to make myself understood and got the guy to give me a double on the back of his scooter (he was holding his tool box between his legs and I was waving his drill above my head hoping to spot a fellow foreigner) to my work where my Boss, a dam good lady, lent me some cash. That was after laughing at me for yet another strange drunken incident in Korea.

Any way all sorted now.

Off to Seoul this weekend, tell ya all about it on Monday.

Won poker on Tuesday.

Weather.

Man has it been busy here, I've picked up extra work and don't have as much time on the works net at the mo so haven't written for a while.

The follow up from the last story was that the cops turned up, they couldn't speak English and we couldn't speak Korean but it was very apparent that they only wanted the noise down, which we did and then decided to move on to another apartment to carry on the mayhem.

The Monsoon season has hit Korea, they predicted it right to the day when it would turn up and they were right, so it has been very wet here lately, everything is constantly damp and my apartment is smelling a little like washroom cause of the continuous wet, damp smell around. I don't really mind that when it is compared to the next problem. HUMIDITY HERE IS AT 99% AAAAHHHHRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH. As soon as you walk out the door you feel it, the moisture clings to you and in five minutes your sweating like a pig, there is no point in deodorant! I'm lucky that in my classroom I have my own air conditioning and can keep my room at a balmy 18C , at times I put all my energy into wishing for a good dose of proper rain to bring the temperature down a little. I'm kinda used to it now but have been feeling the effects.

Today Japan is being battered by a Typhoon and warnings have gone out that it is about to hit Korea, as the city I live in is only an hours flight from Japan it is expected to hit us shortly, even now the clouds have rolled in black and it is raining. I've heard the horror stories but really I think it's a lot of bollocks where Korean people are just exaggerating the effects of everything. I'm looking forward to it as there is nothing like a good storm to put you to sleep, which due to the night time humidity I have been struggling for 5 hours sleep a night.

So the Monsoon season has ended, Typhoon season has started, as soon as that finishes it will be the summer proper where I am told by my students that the temperature will rise to the mid thirties and the humidity will stay the same. Great, no sleeping for me.

Did I mention I had been to the Korean Cup? as well as the Derby and tomorrow am off to the races again?

Trip to the D.M.Z in three Weekends, that should be bloody interesting!

More Korean Gun Stories...

I've been a bit slack on the blog lately, two weeks ago I was quite crook, I couldn't eat or drink much and the beer was definitely out of the question! I struggled through work only to find out on a Friday that I had to be in Seoul for a teaching conference by 10am the next morning so I was not very happy. I thought a free weekend in Seoul would be sweet but it wasn't. I spent all day listening to bollocks, found a hotel and for the first time since I don't know when I was in bed by 7pm! I had to go all the way to one of the largest cities in Asia to get some decent sleep! I woke up at 9 and was back at the conference by 10 and out of it by 6pm. They even gave us an exam at the end of it! More bollocks!

This week I was feeling much better and am now holding down food, I went out on Tuesday with my colleagues which was very cool, ended up in a noribaan singing my heart out, Wednesday I went to a leaving party for a mate who went back home to Australia. The bar was pretty cool and was known for it's flavoured soju. On Wednesday I was in Home plus and Italian red wine was on special, so being me I bought the lot, 18 bottles for $55, not too bad a drop.

Since I had all this wine at my house I decided to have a party, what a night, this time it wasn't security guards with guns but the actual police! I got a class in 5 minutes so I will write it another time. Don't worry, no one shed huge quantities of blood...

Last weekend.

The Beach Soccer tournament was a bit of a disaster, not for the team but for me. I played in the first game and that was that, cause I was hung over and couldn't be bothered. We managed to draw our first game 2-2, it was a shear fluke, the opposition were running rings around us, they scored two very quick goals and then started taking the mickey out of us by fooling around with all sorts of flash kicks and stuff. Buddha only knows how we did it but we scored twice in the final two minutes to level the game. We had Nate.com as our enforcer, he was also hung over which made him angry and as he is the only guy with any level of fitness he ran around charging into everyone and I reckon it was cause of him we didn't lose.

Our second game we won! I sat on the bench praying not to go on, this game was a little nasty, lots of bollocks going on. For some reason we didn't play the third game, Sometimes you just can not work out what is actually happening over here but our captain was given a choice of two bags, one said win and one said lose, he chose the winning bag which gave us two wins and a draw from three which placed us in the final 8. Not bad considering we were all out at an all you can drink for $15 bar till 5 that morning and playing by 10am. Bloody Whisky.

In our quarterfinal we got thrashed, then I went and ate at a nearby Indian Restaurant which was a tad disappointing.

One cool thing was we all got on Korean T.V, the festival was televised and a bunch of white people playing soccer is apparently quite interesting to Koreans. The Busan soccer team turned up and that got the dancing girls quite excited which did actually manage to get me interested.

I had Wednesday off work cause it was Memorial Day (just like ANZAC Day), lots of apartments draped flags out their windows. I went to the movies and then got drunk.

I'm off somewhere to an Island somewhere with some people somehow. Not too sure how I'm involved but I'm getting a sailing lesson out of it. I think it's around the Busan Area but I'm not sure. I'll tell you on Monday.

My Debut.

This Sunday I am making my Korean sporting debut, it ain't cricket but I'll give it a shot. I'm in the Gimhae Foreigners Beach Soccer team playing on Sunday.

32 teams, 8 groups, top of each group goes through to the next round.

12 minute halves, 5 minute break, 7 a side, as many reserves as you want, pitch 20m by 30m.

Starts at 9.30am so staying the night at the beach.

On Saturday going to my first ever Baseball game, the Lotte Giants are playing, they are the Busan team. All teams are owned by corporations and Lotte has it's capitalist fingers in every money making pie in Korea, from chocolate milk to live octopus. They are playing the Kia team who make cars. Dunno where they are from.
Should be good.

Sheep Shagging

I heard a good joke, it appeals to me cause it is a little bit of self depreciating Kiwi humour followed by taking the piss of the Aussies.

An Aussie farmer came over to New Zealand to buy some ewes of his Kiwi farming mate, they were walking the boundary of the farm, checking out the lie of the land, talking about crop rotation, water supplies and reminiscing about driving their tractors up Parliaments steps when they spot a ewe with her head well and truly stuck in the fence.

The Kiwi walks up to it first (after all it is his farm) drops his mole skins, to be absolutely sure she won't run away he carefully lifts up her hind legs and places them in his gum boots and shags the ewe like his life depended on it.

After he is finished he asks his Aussie mate

"Wanna piece of this?"

In that laconic Aussie way he replies

"Sure, why not?"

So he walks over, drops his mole skins, bends over and puts his head in the fence.

Korean Derby.

I went to the Korean Derby, run at The Seoul Race Park, the horse that won absolutely annihilated the others, in a Derby where the best 3 year old horses run it was amazing to see such a good horse. He was boxed in on the rails, about 400 out the jockey actually stood up, looked around him, slowed downed to get a gap pushed his way through to the outside, shot to the lead with about 200 to go, another horse tried to keep up but no one had to the class to even come close and waltzed away by 5 lenghts.

The race track, or park as they are called over here was huge, There was easily 80,000 people there, the noise was tremendous! You have to buy betting vouchers which you then place in an automatic betting machine along with your picks, it was very quick and efficient as you had to have written down on the betting slip exactly what you wanted before you got there so no body was pissing around talking to the TAB operator.

I was sitting in the foreigners lounge, it was very comfortable and classy but there is no drinking at any Korean tracks and they don't have any chips and hot dogs but that is the only complaint that I have about it. They even had two waterfalls there!

I made a couple of bucks as well.

The whole trip to Seoul was pretty cool, I finally got to Itaewon which is renown for
being full of foreigners, I gotta tell you It was like I was in a film made in New York, I have never seen so many black people in my life, people were gambling on street corners, blokes doing their best to look tough on other street corners and sluts tryin to look their best to everyone!
And it was in Itaewon where I struck gold, I went to the Aussie Shop and for the first time since December I ate 2 Sausage Rolls, 2 Steak Pies and some Fish and Chips! Those Aussies aren't that bad!

Of course I got blind drunk and apparently I was carried home but I dispute that..if only I could remember.

He Ain't Dead

http://www.stuff.co.nz/4072617a1860.html

I refuse to drink any more Bacardi 151

I've just had another great weekend, Friday I went to a bar I have never been to before, it is called the Wa Bar and I started drinking XXXX before moving on to the Long Island Ice tea's. I think it was the first time a large group of Whities have ever turned up en masse, I thought the bar staff coped remarkably well, a few funny incidents took place which will be talked about for a while!

The first was our Aussie Ajuma( A polite term of endearment for an older married woman). She normally has a bottle of Soju in her bag and buys coke to mix it with. Well, we were sitting around a bar that had about a hundred beers sitting on ice in the middle of it and you just grab whatever one you want, drink it and pay at the end. Unfortunately for her a bottle of Soju looks remarkably like a bottle of beer and when the bar staff saw her putting her Soju back in her bag they thought she was pinching some beer (Some stories came out later of a crazy foreigner who made a habit of paying for his beer with his five finger discount card). So they confronted her, she has got a wee bit of a wild streak to her, after all she is from Tasmania! so she told them all to @#$% off until she realised what had actually happened so she pulled out the Soju and showed them and they were most apologetic and offered her a free drink, which she refused!

That had us all in hysterics but the other incident went too far and in my opinion was out of line. A mistake got made somewhere along the line with a chicks change. I've worked in bars and know that these things happen and who really cares about $9 anyway? I don't know if the mistake was made by the bar tender giving the wrong change or the chick not giving enough money in the first place but she thought she was owed nine bucks and became very irate and belligerent, charging up and down the bar yelling and screaming and giving all of us foreigners a bad name. Stage 2 culture shock my arse.

I had a good time on Saturday arvo, I went and watch some of my mates do a Kok Sol Won demonstration, this a form of Martial arts and was pretty cool. Then I discovered a new Vietnamese restaurant which is amazing, just around the corner from my house and I even had lunch there a few hours ago. That night I went to another mates house to watch the F.A Cup final, I 'm not really that interested in it and most finals in all sports are pretty boring to watch but we did have many litres of beer, 4 bottles of Scotch and that bloody Bicardi 151. That shit is 70% proof and it was the Gimhae Hat Committee's punishment bottle. I can't even remember what my mistake was but down the hatch it went. No more. I thought Manchester United won the game but it turns out I was wrong.

On Sunday I got woken up to go walking around the old town, it was pretty cool just wandering around buying stupid pointless stuff and weaning away the hang over, I got my self a camouflage floppy hat, a C.D Muse: Origins of Symmetry and some Vanilla Custard from Pakistan. I found an Asian Food mart and a Foreign food mart where to my delight I discovered that you can buy a leg of lamb. Now I just need to find an oven to cook it in. Another good feed and home for an early night.

I've got some cool stuff lined up this week, a trip to a Water Fall on Thursday (A day of work cause it's Buddha's Birthday) and a trip to Seoul on the weekend for the Korean Derby.

Buddha's Birthday

Not much has been happening in my life for awhile, the usual antics are still going strong but nothing out of the ordinary. I did find out that it is not recommended to go swimming in the local park and last night went to the local University called Inje for their O week, the same stuff happens as at Massey.

Tomorrow I'm off to the races again, and the following Sunday going to Seoul to watch the Korean Derby, they got a Foreigners Club there so it will be cool to wear my suit and pick many winners.

Going to a Dinner Party on Saturday, I'll turn it into a party without the dinner.

Next Thursday is a day off, Thank's Buddha, it's his birthday. I suppose it's a bit like Christmas with a birthday party and all but Koreans also have a day off for Christmas so I will write to Helen Clark and explain that N.Z should also have 25th May off cause Buddha never did any harm to us Kiwi's.

It's a good thing that we have Thursday off as on Wednesday night the Champions League Soccer Final is on so we can make a party out of it. Not that I understand too much about it but my Pommie mates are into it so I'll tag along.

See Ya.

Weird Korean Experience

Last night I had yet another weird Korean experience, I was in the supermarket and I saw this foreigner staring at me, I checked her out and she wasn't just staring at me she was looking at me with an almost longing for something. I was a wee bit creeped out about it so walked away to the alcohol section. After browsing through the specials out of the corner of my eye I again caught a glimpse of her. It was as though she was penetrating right through me. By now I was a little bit worried I had never experienced this before so I graped a dozen and headed to the check out.

I had to get out of there and away from her.

So I was in the queue and she came right up to me. This woman was in her 50's and as she was right in front of me I could see that she was actually quite upset and sad. She said to me

"I'm sorry for staring at you like that , I didn't mean to offend you, it's just that you look a hell of a lot like my dead son."

By now I didn't know quite what to think and I just stood there feeling sorry for her. She pulled out a photo of him and I didn't look a thing like him, well apart from the ginger hair. as I was speechless she just continued talking and eventually I realised that she really had something to say but was beating around the bush. After a few minutes, (by now we had left the queue and were back inside the shop) she asks me a favour

"I know this will sound weird but I would really appreciate it if when I leave you could say Bye Mom to me"

She was Nth American so that's why I wrote Mom and not the correct Mum.

I just wanted the situation to be over so I agreed. I was in two minds as to whether or not do it so pretended to read the Korean labels on the shelf nearby. I looked up and she was just about leaving, she looked at me, smiled in a depressed kind of way so I did it for her.

She walked away with her bags and I went back into the queue with my beers, the check out chick says to me Chil Man Won. I'm thinking did I hear her right? she just asked for 70,000 won (About N.Z$90) for my dozen beers. I point to my beers, shrug, she says something in Korean, I catch the words omma (Mother) adul (Son) and ton (money).

The bitch had told her that her son would pay!

I throw down 10,000 won for my beers and charge out in the direction I saw her go. I was valiantly looking around when I see her get into a cab, I raced over, yanked open the door, scared the shit out of the driver and started to pull her out of the taxi by her leg.

Just like I'm pulling yours now.

Fireworks and Coconuts.

I've just finished work, so I cleaned out my troublesome fish tank and thought I would write and say what's up. Got a new teacher at school today, she seems pretty cool, got a nice smile. My weekend was very similar to the last couple. Friday got drunk and went to a Nori bann, got home in time for a few hours sleep before heading off to the races, where I won $30, came home, slept some more, went to Jang Yu for a bit of a house party followed by a trip to Changwon to see a band play at O'Briens, followed by again getting home in the sunshine, sleeping till 5pm then getting up and being constructive.

On Sunday the opening ceremony of the Gaya Festival was held. Gaya is the name of one of the Korean dynasties that was in power in the area where I live, basically the bottom third of the Korean Peninsula. It was pretty cool, there was traditional dancing and costumes and the normal boring speaches which are even worse when you can not understand them and an awesome Fireworks display. I also bought a nasty sling shot, an evil looking knife and a coconut. I drank the milk from the coconut and then remembered that I am particularly partial to the odd dose of Malibu. Went to the movies to see Double Target, over here t is called shooter for some reason, don't ask me why, I just live here. On the way to the movies I bought a litre of Malibu, my mate who also bought a slingshot and knife bought some Johhnie Red to fill his hip flask that he bought and off we went.

Drinking Malibu out off a coconut that you had bought off a Korean shark outside the movie theatre while wearing jandals with my jeans was quite a surreal experience. As if I don't get enough looks from the locals any way, but throw a coconut into the mix and your just asking for trouble. I just told the curious people that I was American.

Work

At school my students write a diary and it is my job to correct it, I kid turned in a set of stories that I gotta tell you as I inspired it, I'll write it down exactly as I recieved it. Its from a 9 year old writing in his second language.

friday.
I fish pet
fish is cute.
I have a very many money.
I'll have fish.

Monday
i pet a 3 Goldfish.
pet a fish is very excited.

wednesday.
Today too, I feed a gold fish.
But fish can't moved!
I'm very surprised.
I touch a fish, but fish can't moved
Fish is Dead!
So, I'm sad.

A Mate Sent Me This.

MATES by Murray Hartin

I've traveled down some dusty roads,
Both crooked tracks and straight,
And I have learnt life's noblest creed
Summed up in one word, "Mate".
I'm thinkin' back across the years,
A thing I do of late
And these words stick between me ears
"You gotta have a mate."
Someone who'll take you as you are
Regardless of your state
And stand as firm as Ayers Rock
Because he is your mate.
Me mind goes back to '43
To slavery and hate
When man's one chance to stay alive
Depended on his mate.
With bamboo for a billy-can
And bamboo for a plate,
A bamboo paradise for bugs
Was bed for me and mate.
You'd slip and slither through the mud
And curse your rotten fate
But then you'd hear a quiet word
"Don't drop your bundle, mate."
And though it's all so long ago
This truth I have to state,
A man don't know what lonely means
'til he has lost his mate.
If there's a life that follers this,
If there's a Golden Gate,
The welcome that I wanna hear
Is just "Goodonya mate".
And so to all who ask us why
We keep these special dates,
Like ANZAC Day,
I tell 'em "Why?!
We're thinkin' of our mates."
And when I've left the driver's seat
And 'anded in me plates
I'll tell Ol' Peter at the door
"I've come to join me mates."

The Weekend that Was...

I know that I blatantly stole this title off my brother (or is that bother?) but I know he won't care, On Friday night I was meant to go to to a party but that got canned and I ended up at the local followed by the ever present Nori bann, those places are really cool, I would never too it back home but the rules don't work when your in another country. Myself and My Pommie mate belted out some Emo style Oasis (just kidding, Jangles CALM DOWN.)

Just a thought, as I'm now teaching English i had better get this straight, does the full stop in the last sentence come before or after the closing bracket? I'm pretty sure it's inside but Mum, write and let me know.

I had Mickey D's for breakfast before going home as the sun rose. Then I was up for the races at 11. I was in the shower when the phone rang so I jumped out, dripping wet, bollock naked and slipped, slammed my knee into the corner of the step leading up to my bathroom, threw up (from the pain, not the from last nights efforts) , (Hehe, no full stop required there but do I have the comma in the correct position? Is it required but then can you have two sets of bracketed words next to each other without any thing in between?) answered the phone, limped to the bus stop to get to the track, discovered I had missed the bus, bought some chicken and beer and jumped in a cab. I was limping all day and night, pretty sweet now but still purple. It did also mean I couldn't dance all night, OH WELL, WHATEVER, NEVERMIND.

Those bastards at the gate confiscated my beer! but don't worry I successfully held on to the chicken. This Rooster looks after his own. Today, I only lost 30 bucks which was a much better effort than last weeks $88 shocker. As I left I got my bevvies back which were promptly downed in the taxi ride to Busan where we went to Hyundai for all you can knock back for 15 smackers.

Before going to the pub we had to wait a while for the dam thing to open so we bought some brews from a Dairy, sat outside on those ubiquitous white plastic tables and chairs which are most probably imported from the Hastings Warehouse and played cards for about an hour and a half. The pub rocked, had a good laugh, took my mate who was blind to eat, she fell asleep with her head on her plate, finally got her home, got home myself, slept till 5pm then went out for a nice polite conversation on Sunday evening. After staggering home on Monday morning I reflected on what a pleasant evening with scintillating conversation it actually was.

Poker tonight.

Anzac Day tomorrow, I have organised for us Korean Anzacs to go to the War Memorial (This memorial is for the Japan Occupation and the Korean War) in my city for some coffee and Rum. I dunno if we have to do it at 6am our local time or 6am Kiwi time. What are the rules?

May All living Kiwis and Aussies give a thought to those fullas who went to war for the future of us all.

Alcoholic Hepatitis?

Is this just one of those new fang'dangle Buzzwords for a drunk?

http://www.stuff.co.nz/4032601a1823.html

Modern Day Prince of Batsmen.

Tonight I am going to my first Korean House Party. I'm sure they still don't understand what parties are all about but I've promised them some Kiwi drinking games in exchange for some Korean ones. This will be interesting...

Off to the Gee Gee's again tomorrow followed by a night in Busan.

Brian Lara, your a Legend.

The Saturday after the "Fish Incident."

Well, I woke up with a bolt at a quarter past Eleven, normally this would be a natural time to wake up but as I mentioned in yesterdays blog I had been trying to work up a group to gamble with me at the races. The thing is a few people had said yeah sure, you explain it all and we will have a right old laugh. I had told them all that they had to be outside Home Plus, the K.F.C corner before 11 to catch the free bus to the races.

I jumped out of bed and immediately threw up, I spent half a god damm hour dry retching before I could stomach some water and fuck off to the cab stand. I had no idea how to explain to the cabbie that I wanted to go the races so I thought I would take along the last weeks form guide in the hope that somewhere on the cover it said Busan Race track. So I hail a cab, explain what I want, he nods and I thought I was home and hosed but oh no, never be too sure about anything in this country. We drove for 10 minutes and I got dropped off outside a Video Parlour that had a spanking new advertisement painted on the front window advertising a bloody horse racing game! I jumped out, not even bothering another attempt at explaining and got in the next cab I found. This time it worked out just fine. I walk onto the track, find my mates and promptly fell over an elderly woman from South Africa. Talk about first impressions, she has only been in the city a few weeks and had met some people who invited her to the races!

Any way, saw a wicked little filly absolutely annihilate the field with an astonishing burst of power, it was just too bad that I could not figure out her name I'll have to get my Korean mates on to it.

Went to Busan for a birthday that night, Sunday evening went to Sasang for an Indian meal, I had the lamb, then back home and went to the movies and saw Ghost Rider, a bit of a let down.

Monday morning bought some "I'm sorry chocolates" for the boss, she had a good old laugh at my expense and made sure that everyone knew about it. She's a cool chick.

Who knew Gold Fish could be so much trouble?

3 Wednesdays ago I left my local and decided to get my self a Big Mac on the way home, there is nothing unusual about that. In the same building as Mickey D's is a Supermarket, more of a big department store selling everything a Korean House wife needs, like live Octopus, Kimchi and stuff to make your flat smell good. I was wandering around in a tiny haze of drunken thought when I came across the Gold Fish section, as many people know I love fishing and have always kept Gold Fish as pets, so I decided to splash out and buy some. I got myself a plush looking tank, pumps, filters, gravel, the works and took it to my work and set it up. I thought I wouldn't buy the fish at this time but get it all set up at first. So I carried all this stuff to work and that time I successfully turned off the alarms. The next day when I woke up I saw written on my T.V screen in a white board marker (over here the white boards are actually green but that don't matter to much) a note to myself to go and buy 붕어방 , I was thinking W.T.F? So I have a coffee, a smoke and a shower before it dawns on me what this note to myself meant.

I should explain that this 붕어방 is pronounced Boung or Bann and is a snack you can buy on the street, it is kinda like a pikelet in the sense of taste but the shape is that of a fish that looks remarkably like Nemo of the Disney fame. It comes in two flavors, one is a red bean type of paste (tastes much better than it sounds) and the other is a sweet sugar like tasting thingy that is very similar to custard. It literally means fish bread. Any way there is a woman outside my work that sells it and it was the first Korean word I learnt to spell in Hanguel. I buy a lot of this in the evenings and usually end up with a net full for my students.

So after work the next day I go with some of my colleagues to the Supermarket and buy Six Gold Fish, I named the Fat one 붕어방, the small one Liz, the fish with a black tail Shana, with a black belly tail Kelly, Jenny has the smallest face and Ava has the white face. These 5 lovely names are the English nick names of my Korean colleagues.

Now you are all probably thinking get on with it you Dick. We don't care about your dammed fish so I'll tell you why they are so much trouble. Last Friday I was at the local drinking a new beer that has just been put on the market called Cass Red, it is being advertised as "The flavour of Passion" and as such as a strength of 6.9% The language on the bottle is in English and I can tell you that I have had a great time explaining it to the non English speaking Korean waitresses. Anyway, I was planning on going to a Noriban with everyone (Karaoke) and we thought it wouldn't be appropriate to sing sober so we also started on the Soju, which is the local spirit and is made out of Kumara and tastes like a weak vodka. We got so smashed that we never made the Noriban and instead spent most of the night outside drinking Soju as the local doesn't sell it, being a strictly Beer and Whisky pub so we had to buy it from the dairy on the corner and drink it outside.

Anyway, you can imagine the state I was in, stumbling around, talking a load of bollocks about the cricket and trying to work up a clan to go the races the next day. Around 4 in the morning I went home but on the way I remembered my 6 Leviathans and could not for the life of me remember if I had feed them or not. So I search around in my pockets for the keys to my work, got my bearings and headed off in the general direction. I find myself on the 8th floor of the building where I work and this is where those bloody fish turned into trouble.

I unlock the doors and promptly forgot about the alarm. I walked right on in when I was stopped by an ear shattering piercing squeal of an alarm. Normally this would not be a problem as you can just turn it off quickly and the Security company won't bother. But oh no, I wasn't thinking quite straight and absolutely ballsed it up, after a minute or so I get the alarm off and think here we go, security is on its way, even if I was sober I wouldn't have had enough Korean to explain this situation and really had no idea what to do, I knew I couldn't just reset the alarm, lock the door and scarper cause then it may make me look a tiny bit guilty when after all I was only thinking about the stomachs of my new fish, so I pulled up a pew, sparked a smoke and waited, I was in hysterics by the time the security guard turned up, I was just sitting there as pissed as Jangles laughing my head off about the whole situation when I spot this dude walking towards me wearing a flak jacket and with a not to shabby looking pistol in his side holster.

He looks at me, wearing his best tough guy face and in the gruffest Korean voice I have ever heard said something to me, god knows what it was so I say

"Hey, I 'm Dave and I work here. I've come to feed my fish."

He looks at me, I look at him, not one word of understanding between us so I leave him standing there and walk into my classroom, I motion for him to follow and very deliberately feed the fish. By now he has to be thinking that I'm straight out of the looney bin. He then walked over to the phone list on the wall and rings up my boss, it's about half 4 by now and I can see that maybe talking to the boss who can translate is not a bad idea. She gets on the phone in a groggy voice, hears this wanna be tough guy, then my drunken Kiwi accent explaining to her why the alarms were going off, talks to the security dude, he gives a little laugh, slaps me on the back and motions to the door which I then after resetting the alarm lock and walk on outta there.

Who would of thought Gold Fish could do that to a bloke?

What is the speed of dark?

I'm on a break, thought I'd write and tell you all that I forgot to pay my power bill and last night I get home and the power is turned off. Oh well, whatever, nevermind. Tried to sort it out today but really fuck knows if it will be on when I get home. All paid up now so heres hoping. This morning I got woken up by some thunder, now it is hot and muggy, going to pub tonight but only because they have power and lights and stuff. Going to the races tomorrow only cause they too have electricity and a birthday party in Busan in the evening but this time only cause there will be alcohol and food. She most probably has electricity in her flat but I'm not too sure.

Bloody Sri Lankan's making me look bad in front of my Korean mates. Spose it's better to get a hiding at this stage rather than in the final.

Hey, my boss just walked in and threw me a bag of chips. I had a weird discussion with her this morning, she asked me what "most minute" meant I said "aye, where did you hear that" she went "I read it in the text book with one of this afternoon's lessons, haven't you gone over it" Was she trying to pull one over me? I had gone over it earlier and didn't remember it so I looked back through the text. Sure enough it was there, same spelling and all. It took me a jiffy to realise that it was minute as in teeny tiny that we had read. I had immediately understood the difference and had never thought twice about it, she read it and automatically though of minute as in 60 seconds to a minute and got all confused when it didn't fit the sentence!

The more I teach English the weirder I realise it is.

One One Was A Race Horse

On Saturday I finally managed to get my self to the track, I had a few dubious feelings about what it would be like, how it would look, quality of the horses etc but what I saw changed all that. It was plush, the grandstand and track (though dirt) was state of the art, it was exceptionally well set up and catered for many people who were there for a day out rather than a day of gambling. The inside of the track had a man made lake, a skate rink and picnic areas, to the side of the grandstand was where all the kids hung out, their parents had hired bikes for them and there was a good couple of hundred kids pulling skids next to the pony rides.

We walked in and the entrance was free, we buy a form guide and immediately realise we are going to have to sit down and work the fucker out as it was all in Hanguel (Korean word for Korean writing) we sit down right in front of the winning post and work out about a third of the race book, numbers are numbers where ever you are so it wasn't too hard and set about placing a bet. After a major mistake (I placed a $1000 bet instead of $10) I got it all sorted and set about finding the bird cage to get a look at the horses. The ring was just like any other except that it it's own smaller grandstand. The horses paraded around and when the jockeys came out before mounting they all lined up and bowed to the crowd!

There were four races on the card which were every hour on the hour and on the half hour the races from Seoul where broadcast on one of the biggest T.V screens I have ever seen which was just to the side of the winning post in front of the grandstand. Between races they did bloody track work! it was very confusing, I did manage to but a bet on a race in Seoul by looking at the horses about to work out at the Busan track!

They don't have all the betting systems that I'm used to , only 5 types. Win, Place, Quinella, Exacta and multiples of all of them, By the end of the day I was down $35 but pulled off a $38 collect in the last for a 3 buck win on the day.

The name of the track was Busan Gyeougnam Race Park and if your keen you can check it out on http://www.kra.co.kr/ click on the English button on the top right.

I did in my stuttering Pidgin Koran manage to cancel that $1000 bet and I know when my Dad reads this he would have been worrying right down to the last paragraph.

Texas Hold 'em

Got myself into a regular poker match, ever Tuesday after work at a pub called O.B Camp. I went last night and got wasted, went all in on a guy who I thought was bluffing, after I went all in he looked at me and said "You know that I'm American but did you know I grew up in Vegas" Won't be doing that again. So I've been reading up on strategies over the net, gotta get my 10 bucks back!

Shit.

My lips are traumatised, I have a red ring the size of the old 20c coin going over the top and bottom lips, it's cause of that dam trumpet, I look like I got ring worm or that I have been doing something that I shouldn't have been. If this is all I get for supporting the Korean Red Devils, who lost, and being an obnoxious git with a plastic trumpet in one of the largest cities in Asia I'll take it, cause I wouldn't want to turn into Earl.

Seoul and the Plastic Trumpet.

It was actually Uruguay who took on the Red Devils at Olympic stadium on Saturday night at 8pm local time!

What a weekend, it was made exceptional because of 6 pieces of Red and Blue plastic moulded into the shape of a trumpet, we got a bargain on them. We all met up at Homeplus McDonalds, had breakfast, bumped into another Kiwi, (I can't believe I had never met him before) caught a cab to Gupo where we boarded the K.T.X and settled in for the first leg of the trip. First beer out of the way by lunch time on the train and reached Seoul by 3pm where we quickly established some ground rules for the trip. Basically there was only one (At this point) If we need to make a decision, whittle the possible answers down to two possibilities and flip a coin. After a dodgy first flip it worked a treat for the rest of the trip. We caught the subway to the stadium, settled in outside it next to The GS25 (A Dairy) where we were mixed Soju with Aloe Vera and Beer bought the customary red supporters hat, scarf and t-shirt and the Trumpets and sat outside getting pissed for the next few hours waiting for the match to start. These trumpets turned us from simply lads out on a piss trip in Seoul to obnoxious drunk foreigners intent on making as much noise as possible.

This was the first time I had ever watched a soccer match live and it was a pretty good one to watch, the stadium was built for the 88 Olympics and was massive, I have never even seen one so big, Like most sports grounds they didn't let you take alcohol in but they obviously hadn't come across foreigners who specialise in this time honoured past time. I had any obviously method that has worked in the past, I filled my pockets with Soju and had a half empty bottle in my hand as my sacrificial "Me no speak Korean" bottle. it worked a charm. In side we had to walk up 4 flights to reach our seats and we weren't even at the top! The Fan's were amazing, they really got into the chanting We started up a few English ones but they were quickly drowned out so we tried to remember the Korean one's much to the amusement of our neighbours. Korea lost but not to worry cause it was a cool experience. But not as good as 6 pissed blokes trumpeting their way through Seoul's subway system, we had school kids apologising to us for Korea's loss (I think) and as we were 6 school teachers we had them doing our punishments!

The night out was a bit of a blur, I remember the trumpets the most and for some unknown reason I started talking in a Mexican accent and refused to speak to any one who would not reply back in the same accent. It was amazing who many conversations I had! Around 4am we were all wasted and as you do, we all lost each other, I spent the night wandering Seoul while the others ended up in 4 different hotels, we all meet up again for the train ride home and that was that.

At one point I did get into a taxi and ask to be taken home to Gimhae before the driver very politely reminded me that I was in Seoul and that that would cost a fortune!

Next weekend is a new adventure, an Ice Hockey match in Daegu.

C'mon Black Caps.

What's the differnce between a cup of tea and the Pakistani Cricket Team?

On Saturday I am off to Seoul to watch a Soccer test match, it's South Korea vs either Uruguay or Uzbekistan, I can't remember which and I don't really care, I'm going cause the Koreans are fanactical about thier team and I reckon it will be cool to sit in the crowd. Plus a night out in Seoul.

I can't get over the Pakistani cricket Team, they suck, coach dead, police investigating murder, they refuse to play out the tournament, get forced to, Captain quits, Out of tournament and they all talk funny. I'm glad I'm not one of them when they get home, they are going to get strung up by their crazy fans.

Tea stays in the Cup longer.

The aftermath

I am suffering from a two day St Paddie's hangover, I know I shouldn't mix my drinks but hells bells it was St Paddies! I also manage to find a bar for $15 All you can drink, that was my downfall. I had two firsts on the weekend,

1) First time I have thrown up due to alcohol in Korea

2) First time I got ripped off by a Cabbie, I did manage to get him to stop and pull over (Refer Number 1) He was one pissed off Korean! He started yelling at me in Korean and I was so pissed and tired I gave in and gave him his price, normally I can get them down a bit but this guy was not a happy chappy!

One of the most surprising aspects of the day was discovering that the Irish Cricket team beat Pakistan at the Cup! good on them for making it easier for the Mighty Black Caps!

It is not a good idea to have sculling races with Pints of Genius topped up with Jagermeister.

I just remembered, I invited my self to a game of cricket in Gimhae with 20 Pakistanis out by the Bus Terminal, I met Paki John at the pub on Friday, we got to talking about Cricket, I gave him heaps over Aktar, bought him a pint and got myself into his match. Wait till I see him again with his team out of the cup , coach dead and captain gone home!

St Patrick

Tomorrow is St Patrick's Day, this is the only Catholic Saint that has a feast day that I remember without fail, tomorrow I will celebrate Mass in one of his Churches, though this building does not have the fine steeples of churches the world over or the magnificent altars and vestments known to many. People should remember that the congregation can meet anywhere and that place will be accepted. For it is written

"... it is not the building that makes a Church, it is the people who gather and worship that makes the Church..."

I will openly reconfirm my open and honest faith in St Patrick in one of his many Palaces of Worship. I will make the pilgrimage to O'Briens, the first ever Irish owned bar in South Korea, it is in Changwon, there I will give homage, with both financial and spiritual ways and I will shake many hands in an act of friendship, strangers who have not yet met, brought together by our Saint, St Patrick.

Let us bow and heads and pray.

Don't touch that dial, it's hot, so hot it hurts. 93FM

I may as well mention that my Boss got fired. Oh well, whatever, nevermind. One good thing about it all is one of the teachers here has become the new Director, that means she has no time for teaching, until she is replaced all her classes have been doubled up with the other Korean teachers classes. This means less classes but bigger classes. What I'm actually trying to say is I now start work at a quarter past four and finish at 9. What should I do during the daytime? Fishing?, Swimming? Movies? the choices are endless... and I get paid for the classes I have lost.
MMMMWWWHHHAAAAAA.

You all know I won't do any of that, but what I will have is ...recovery time! As my Grandmother would say GO SUCK AN EGG.

It's been a while

What's the Craic?
I know this ain't a Kiwi term but I've been hanging out with a few Irish people lately and that phrase is used as a greeting and they gave me a mission. I chose to accept. I have been teaching all my students to say it as a greeting, I figure I may as well have a little fun, as if teaching Koreans to speak with a Kiwi accent isn't!

I did meet an interesting dude on Friday night, I had met him before but hadn't really spoken to him. he has just moved from Gimhae to Busan and had his final night in Gimhae, we got to talking and he said that he was leaving heps of stuff behind in his flat and that I was welcome to it. So about 3 in morning we crawled to his flat and I emptied it of coffee tables, chairs , couches, towels, sheets, the works. He helped me carry it down the stairs on to the street and then on to the main road where I was going to find a taxi to help me get it all to my place. What a job that was, I was boozed, trying to carry all this stuff laughing my head off as I kept on dropping everything and trying to convince Taxi drivers to stick it all in their cab and take me home. Everyone was keen to help but didn't want to take the sofa so I kept on trying again and again to get this bloody sofa home but to no avail. So I finally got most of the stuff crammed into a taxi it was so full the driver couldn't physically move the gear stick into 4th as my coffee table was in the way, blocking half of the windscreen (My half!) So I was in a cab being driven in the typical Asian style, you know, no steady foot movements, up and down on the gas all the way, my vision was blocked, he couldn't get into 4th so the engine was screaming, boozed up to my eyeballs on a mix of Korean Lager and Stout, the driver attempting to correct my Korean, I'm in desperate need of a leak and I'm thinking to myself Only in Korea could I get away with this. We get to my flat after about a quarter hour for a five minute drive ( as I couldn't see out the windscreen and as my vision was a bit blurry before it got totally blocked, I had to rely on drunken Korean speech in a Kiwi accent) he helps me get everything out, helps me lift it all the way up to my flat(3 flights of stairs) and only charges me the equivalent of N.Z$1.50! I gave him 5 bucks and what was left of my smokes. I went back the next day for the sofa but it was gone. Some other Wiguk probably nabbed it, reminds me of stealing couches back in Palmy.

Sharks

In 3 weekends I am going to be feeding these sharks in the Shark Tank of the Busan Aquarium. It's gonna be sweet, aye Mark!

http://www.scubainkorea.com/Shark_Diving/Live_Cam_Pop_Up/Live_Cam.htm

They got a live web cam set up, it looks awesome.

Trim and Proper

Last night I was drinking at the local and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I got a bit of a shock as it made me realise that I havn't had a hair cut in almost 4 months, I had finished work so was wearing some nice clothes etc and I saw this mop of flowing Ginga locks shooting off to mate with Medusa. It did not look right so this morning I ventured into a hair dressers and popped my Korean hair cut cherry. Bugger me, did they do a good job. I was worried what was going to happen as I don't have enough Korean to explain how I wanted my hair to look and the hair dresser had no English. I just sat there, smiled, pretended my hands were scissors, ran them through my hair , she smiled and nodded and then proceeded to give me the works. I got my hair washed, a head and shoulders massage, a cut, a further shampoo and a smile goodbye all for less than 5 Kiwi bucks.

Think I might go back next week..

Food in Seoul

I forgot to mention earlier the weird food I had on the weekend. The first was a can of drink that I got out of a vending machine, it was bloody cold boiled rice in a can! Tasted just like it sounds.
The second was at a restaurant called Bennington's, it's a western style place. We went there because it was close to the train station and we needed to eat in a hurry as we were running a little late. I had had a serious binge weekend and wasn't feeling up to eating much so I thought I would play it safe and order a sandwich. I asked for a Turkey and Ham, what I got is criminal. It was a Turkey and Ham sandwich all right but it had been battered and then deep fried. With icing sugar on top! I nearly vomited, one bite was all I could take. It gets worse, I got a bowl of fries on the side, fair enough I thought. It came with a red dipping sauce. I was thinking so far so good, until I tasted the shit. It was bloody raspberry jam.

Seoul Part II

On Sunday night I had a steak at T.G.I.F (That's an Aussie Style restaurant chain called Thank God it's Friday) It sure was good to eat some Steak and Chips! We found ourselves in this bar called Rough, when we walked in the place was empty and playing Hip Hop, it didn't take long to change the music over to rock, especially when they realised how much we were spending! They were downloading songs for us. It was most likely the first time Kenny Rodgers, Gambler had been heard in these parts! After about an hour there the place started to fill up and the bar tenders put on a cocktail show for us, bottles were thrown everywhere, flaming bottles juggled, a sculling competition between one of us, an Irish chick and a Korean bird. (The Korean never stood a chance!) breathing fire, the works. Of course numerous cocktails went down. I'm not a big fan of these but I have heard alot of there names before without actually trying them so I was right in to the Manhattans, Kamikazes, Margaritas, Cosmopolitans, Wall Bangers and Mai Tai's.

I didn't get up to any of the tourist shit, I'm saving that for next time which won't be too far away...

In April there is a horse race in Japan, the world's richest Steeple and No Hero from Hastings has been accepted so I gotta sort out how to get myself there.

Seoul.

I survived my weekend in Seoul, but only just! We all got there about 3pm on Saturday and headed straight for our backpackers. We foolishly decided to take the Subway for the first part of the journey there. I thought the Busan Subway was huge, well, Seoul's is massive. We spent about an hour wandering around, trying to find the right lines, then the right levels and then the right directions. It was a little piece of chaos that left us surprisingly in good spirits. After we got off the Subway we took a taxi the rest of the way, there were too many of us for one taxi so had to get two. You can imagine me jumping in to the second taxi and yelling "Follow that Cab!" to a driver who can't speak English! We got dropped off at the wrong backpackers, shit happens, but we managed to get the lady to ring up our backpackers and asked them to come and pick us up. We got picked up all right, 7 of us got picked up by a dude on a bicycle!.W.T.F!

After drinking for a few hours at the nearest pub we could find we headed off in the general direction of Hongik University. (It's the same the world over, head to a university and you will find beer) after bar hopping for a while we all started getting a wee bit drunk and one of us was in no position to carry on (Bloody Aussies!) We had our doubts if she could even find her way back to the Hostel so myself and another decided to take her home ourselves, when we got back to the area to find our mates I spotted a bon fire. Now I love a good fire and to to see a group of Koreans sitting around a fire in the middle of this massive urban environment, drinking beers and playing guitars I just had to go over. I was expecting them to not speak English, but they did! I was in Heaven, a quick stop to the dairy across the way to buy some beer ensured that I got a turn on the guitar! Every so often someone would get up to find some more wood, it really is amazing the shit that was just on the street in Seoul! There was a Korean dude who could play and sing like Thom Yorke! he pulled out Radiohead after Radiohead. Before I knew it the place was crawling with foreigners, I met a chick from Napier! I must have stayed there for at least three hours playing as many New Zealand songs as I could and am proud to say my rendition of Teen Spirit got the crowd moshing! After we left there around 5ish we attempted to get back to the Hostel. We could not for the life of us find the dam place! We managed to get back to the right suburb, but had no luck finding it so checked into another motel, paid through the nose for it but the next afternoon when we woke up we realised how flash it really was, it had the net, a spa bath and so much free stuff I didn't have enough pockets, a huge T.V that had this curious little box beside it. On further investigation I saw that it had a picture of a naked lady on it and a slot to put in 1000wan bills. (Thats about a Kiwi dollar) so I duly paid my dollar and was rewarded with 20 minutes of Korean Porn. I was in Hysterics.

More coming later, I'm too hungry to write.

Can't wait...

Super fast train tickets booked
Super cheap accommodation booked
Got paid this morning
Look out Seoul, the Rooster is about to crow...

Spring is here.

Last night it started raining, I have been here for two months and it has only rained three times but last night we had some proper rain. Over here the warmer weather signifies rain, usually when the sun goes down and the temperature drops a little. Warmer air can hold more moisture than cooler air and as it's humid during the day when the sun goes down that moisture just drops outta the sky. One good thing about it is that this morning everything was clean, no air pollution settling everywhere and the manky smell has some what disappeared, I'm sure it will be back.

Yesterday I experienced my first piece of Korean racism towards me, I was trying to become a member of the Korean Train Network so I can get cheaper fares. I was told that because I wasn't a Korean with Korean identification that it wasn't allowed, so I pulled out my Korean government issued Foreign Alien Registration card and it was hinted that I still wasn't Korean and they couldn't help me. Fuckers I want that discount.

I'm Early.

Last night I went to bed at midnight, by 4am I was still fighting the sleep so I got up and cleaned my flat, then watched a movie and now It is nearly 9am and I have found myself at work. This may sound normal but I don't usually start work until 3pm and what is even weirder is that today is my easy day and I don't start work till a quarter past four. So why am I here? Cause I was bored at home and thought I should come into work and see what's interesting.

One thing I did find out is never ever again walk past the public school around the corner (Uam Elementary) at half Eight in the morning, I know they learn English over here but I can't take 50 "Hello, how are you, where are you from, America?" in a row from these bloody smiling little school kids. Why can't they be like Kiwi school kids and not smile on the way to school?

Today was also the first time that I unlocked the door to my school, Cause I'm the last to leave every night I have locked it on numerous occasions and setting the alarm is a piece of cake, but not disarming it! I got a screaming automatic voice in Korean saying do something, I had to remember back to my first day when I was told what to do by my boss who speaks very little English. Bloody nightmare, I hope it's off and I haven't tripped some kind of silent alarm as there is no way my Korean is good enough to explain the situation to a security guard.

I suppose I could write up next weeks lesson plans, or clean my classroom but a coffee and smoke followed by checking out Bebo sounds much better.

I get paid again this week, more millions of dosh coming my way, I couldn't even spend the last lot of millions I got and by the grace of Tangaroa I tried. Jangles, you must be pissed that I earnt a cool mill before you did!

Go drink at the Cat.

I just heard that Rosie's down the road from the Cat has gone out of business cause it's shit. The only good thing about it was the Bulmers Cider. Go and drink at the Cat and Fiddle, they will look after you.

He aint gonna die

I've known this dude from America for about a month, last night was his leaving party, he's going back home for a while then off to teach in The Czech Republic but the real reason that I am writing about him is because last night I discovered that he is from a small town in Seattle called Olympia, the next small down down the road is a place called Aberdeen. Any one got my drift yet? He was a uni student during the beginning of the Grunge Explosion, we spent all night talking about bands he has seen and gigs he bled at and of course the musicians that he knew cause he was from the same town, went to school with, drunk with, and boiled up mushrooms with. I was in awe of this guy as story after story popped out. He saw all the Bands, NIRVANA, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, L7, Mudhoney, The Melvins, Stone Temple Pilots. He told me two stories about God, the first time he met this stooped over skinny guy in op shop clothes was in a bar and they got to talking about nothing in particular and ended up playing pool together. Those of you that know me can imagine how I was sitting right on the edge of my seat, drooling at the thought of playing Pool with Kurt Cobain. The short quiet skinny guy won the game!

The other story was how he and a friend were in a convience store and in walks Cobain and Courtney Love. She walks up to the two of them and asks his mate to approach Kurt and say "Hey, your Eddie Vedder I love Pearl Jam and I'm your biggest fan!" She offers him $5 to do this. He thought about it and reasoned this is my chance to talk to Cobain, even if I am fucking with him. So he did. Love was pissing herself with laughter and Cobain walked out without saying a word.

The Weekend.

I spent all day Saturday at the University in Jinju on a teachers refresher course for the chain of Schools that I work for (E.Bo Young Talking Club). The first half of the day we were in a room full of computers, it was my dumb luck to get a computer that didn't work! And to top it all off the entire morning course was in Korean! What a waste of time it was for me. The afternoon session was a little better. It was all about running lessons and how to keep the class interested. The chick up on stage kept asking me questions in front of everyone, talk about being put on the spot but I successfully answered all the questions and each time got applauded for it! I should have worn a hat so my locks wouldn't have stuck out so much then maybe I wouldn't have been asked so many questions. There were only a few other foreigners on the course and I got talking to them all and so have met some new guys.

After the course I had arranged to meet up with some Irish people in Jinju, we went bowling, then drinking. I met Scotty from Scotland in a bar called Gurl. I have never met such a drunk person in my life! He was fucked, I managed to find out that he had been drinking for 2 days, got talking to him and ended up drinking a bottle of Johnnie Black with him. He paid! He was pretty interesting, got into trouble back home and was kind of hiding out in Korea! He wouldn't tell me what he did and with the amount of tattoos on his body I wasn't gonna ask to much about it! The first thing he said to me was "I'm a Celtic supporter, are we ganna fight?" Luckily I knew that Celtic supporters are Catholic so we got to talking about it, Scotland has such a different sporting culture from New Zealand, he was saying if your team lost you had to fight the opposition supporters for redemption. I can't believe how drunk he was. He kept on telling me how good it was to talk to someone who could understand his thick Scottish accent!

I went out last night to a Italian restaurant, had the best pepperoni pizza I had ever tasted in my life followed by a few quiet pints at the local then off to bed.

I got my second New Years of the year in two weeks time. These Koreans don't fuck about they take 3 days off to celebrate it! I'm planning a trip to Seoul, I don't want to waste these 3 days by staying in Gimhae and it seems like a good idea to travel further afield. Big Smoke, here I come.

Who the hell does that English Wanker Wilkinson think he is? Him and his fucken drop goals, fuck off to League.